she’s the ultimate contradiction, my social media persona.
I disprove of overly perfect, filtered lives, but only show my best side. when I see a negative post, without a happy ‘but everything’s okay now’ ending, I skip over it, and sometimes even complain about it. but somehow, I still expect others to keep it real.
I tell myself that my value lies in the fact that I am a christian, then wait anxiously for the likes to stream in after posting a picture. those who know me, know that I am very passionate about politics, music, injustice and inequality etc… but to those who follow me, I am as shallow as a toddler’s paddling pool.
why do I make myself less – is it to be modest and not overshare my personal business? or maybe it’s because I don’t want to stand out online, don’t want to create any waves, give anyone a reason not to give me a like.
then I stop and think, maybe I am making myself not less, but more. choosing only pictures that I look good in. sharing only my most interesting days (especially those taken while abroad). not sharing that most days I’m stressed about uni and only shuttle between home, my lectures and the library.
the tug of war between real me and social media me will continue, and I’m not sure there will ever be an outright winner. I guess what matters in the end is never letting apps run either of us
photo cred: drmakete lab