when I was younger, I threw myself into EVERYTHING I loved with the most intensity I could muster. be it reading, fashion illustration, sewing, vampires and other science fiction or blogging. it was all I loved and lived, until I had ‘mastered‘ it, as best as 8 or 14 year old me could.

somewhere along the line though, those passions were left behind. things that weren’t left behind pre-sixth form were soon dumped too because of mental health issues and the huge workload. there was no more time for fun, I needed to be efficient, get the grade or pass the test so I could get on track for the future of my dreams.

only now am I realising that I needed those passions to keep me sane. work hard, play hard is the saying. and I’ve been all work no play for too long. I’ve learnt that with most things, you can’t just pick where you left off.

I need to practice relaxing, practice taking time off where my brain is not on overdrive, thinking of everything I must achieve when I’m next working. that’s before I’ve even started the fun stuff!

christmas (2018) was spent devouring books, I got through 5 books in a three week break and it felt like HEAVEN. yes, I am still behind in my uni work because of that, but it was so worth it – worth the peace I felt at the end.

I think 2019 will be the year of being intentional about relaxing, spending time with God and looking after my mental and spiritual health. it’s a journey I’ll share, to hold myself accountable and to get back into my old love – blogging!

photo cred: Brooke Lark 


marriage I

what is marriage?

according to the dictionary it is ‘the legally or formally recognised union of two people as partners in a personal relationship‘ which sounds simple enough while also encompassing the different types of marriages around the world.

we don’t tend to base our opinions on their official definitions though, we base them on our experiences. for marriage, that would be how it’s been modelled to us by those around us or on our social media radar.

when I was younger, I thought marriage was all about the huge party and proportionally huge dress (I’m talking below 10yo, don’t judge). having a companion for life was a peripheral side perk, growing up an only child I didn’t really see the benefits of having someone else around. I did ‘notice’ that nearly all the adults around me were married and loving it or hoping to get married so they could join in on the fun.

then my parents got divorced and a seed of doubt and suspicion was planted. the only way teenage me thought was appropriate to respond, in regards to marriage, was to forgo the whole mess. skip the huge party and the more figure hugging dresses I now preferred, maybe have over the top birthday parties instead?

once that seed was planted, it didn’t take long to grow into a full blown forest. more people around me started getting divorced, but I didn’t find it as shocking anymore. I also started learning about the reality tv worthy dramas that had occurred in marriages that were still going strong. in the background to all this, celebrities who had been together my whole childhood were getting divorced, while other celebrities got married for about as long as I liked flared trousers (v. short flirtation). it really did all seem doomed to fail.

I’m going to give marriage a second chance though, a second look with my soon to be 21 yo glasses. through the lens of my experience, my faith, those around around me, what podcasts or books I happen to absorb … and see what comes out the other end.

it’s gonna be a slow journey, but hopefully a worthwhile one.

photo cred: Beatriz Pérez Moya