marriage II

Til Death Do Us Part?

I was challenged by a podcast (non-apple link) I was listening to recently which got me thinking about wedding vows and their importance.

according to the world wide web, vows are compulsory in western churches and a shortened version of them is used for civil marriages in the UK. however it wasn’t always this way here and isn’t thing in many places around the world.

to me, vows are a spoken contract (or covenant) between an engaged couple. I think the spoken aspect is important because it means you can be held accountable, by your spouse, the people who were there and for people of faith, God. making it even more important that you mean what you say…

today, apparently it’s a thing to write your own vows which I think is amazing because it forces the couple to sit and actually agree on what they’re in this for. which brings me back to the podcast.

the speaker, David, said he asks couples a question (I assume when counselling them?) that would totally suck out all the adorable, rom-com-esque emotions any engaged couple was feeling…

what are the circumstances under which you would divorce them [your fiancé]?

David Marvin, The Porch Podcast

although it sounds harsh it made me stop and seriously think about one of the most iconic and heavy lines in vows, ‘til death do us part‘.

while I don’t know how many people getting married here said those words on their big day, I do know that in 2017 roughly 8 in 1000 het couples got divorced (totals to over 100,000) and the average marriage lasts about 12 yrs. there is lots of context to these figures but I won’t go into it! I’ll make the assumption, based on this data that despite the best intentions, lots of married couples have things that would make them consider divorce.

Stats from ONS

I believe (and some Christians will disagree with me here) that there are situations when divorce is needed. they are (slightly extreme situations) when there’s infidelity or any form of domestic abuse. cheating is a difficult one because some couples can survive it, but domestic abuse is non-negotiable. if someone had the courage to leave such an environment the last thing I would do is send them back on the grounds of their marriage vows.

so does this mean if I ever walked down the aisle I shouldn’t say ’til death do us part’? is it the intentions that matters more? or are traditional wedding vows now outdated in todays society?

let me know your thoughts in the comments, I’m still working this all out myself! 🙂

photo cred: Beatriz Pérez Moya

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what I’m loving

21/04/19

So, a whole week later than planned (very sorry) here is the first instalment of this series!

Top on my list is … Wales, UK!

views from our trek up Mount Snowdon earlier this week

This was originally just going to be Cardiff, which has firmly inched into my list of favourite cities in the world, until I got dragged on an impromptu family bonding trip to north Wales and remembered my love of the region and hiking.

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beautiful shot of Cardiff Bay

Wales may not be as much of a tourist magnet as other European countries but it’s defiantly worth a visit if you’re local (defined as anywhere in Europe) especially if you love a cheap drink, an amazing range of eating places and a bit of rain!

Next on the list is … Jameela Jamil

She’s an actress and activist and the latter is the reason I love her! If you want to know more about her story I so recommend listening to her interview on a podcast called Ways to Change the World (link to video of the same interview but it can also be found in podcast apps!).

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the woman herself

Cliff notes version though, she’s made it her mission to call out celebrities who uphold unrealistic beauty standards and essentially get paid off us mere mortals being insecure. She’s also started an instagram called I-Weigh to remind women that our value is most definitely not in the number we get when we stand on a scale.

Honestly I could go on forever but I’m sure I’ll be mentioning her a few more times on my blog, I’ll leave you with this as a flavour of the kind of excitement she brings into my life…

amazing parody, catch the proper version on her instagram

Saving the best for last, my last love is … Easter!

It’s been an odd one with Easter being quite late this year but the weather in the UK has been amazing (rare so I’m very grateful) which makes a lovely end to Lent. I know plenty of people who have been waiting for this day to get back to eating nice things they’d given up!

photo cred: Sebastian Staines

As a Christian, this season is so amazing because it’s the foundation of our faith. At the most basic level, it teaches us that most of the time the end of one thing (death of Jesus in this case) often marks the beginning of something new. This doesn’t make the ending any less painful, I can’t imagine what people who knew him felt watching him die, but it gives us so much hope for the future.

photo cred: Hugues de BUYER-MIMEURE 

So even if life is hitting you hard right now, there will be end and I hope it leads to greater things…


this ended up wayyyy longer than planned! if you have any feedback please drop it in the comments, its much needed. thank you for sticking it out, have a lovely Easter and week and hopefully you’ll be back soon

apart from the first shot, I do not own any of the images in the post. cred for the feature image as always goes to Paweł Czerwiński 

what I’m loving, intro

in the name of blogging more I’ve decided to bring back a classic from my old blog with a couple changes. there was a tag called ‘What I’m Loving‘ where every once in a while I would list the things 15 year old me loved. although it was cheesy and most of the time so superficial it hurts to read back, I think it may actually be what I need to foster some thankfulness in my life.

this post won’t have any loves, it’s just to introduce the idea and give you a quick idea of what’s coming…

why?

too often, I get overwhelmed by the bad stuff happening in life and activities like this – which force me to sit down and think about what’s good in my life really help give me perspective. this won’t fix the problems by any means and it’s not meant to mask them either, it’ll hopefully bring sunshine and a smile to weeks I’d otherwise rather forget.

what type of content will I be sharing?

technically, anything that catches my eye and brings me joy that week (obvious answer) but there are some categories that tend to do that more often so will make repeat appearances. Cliff notes version, you’ll probably see lots of music, podcasts, crafty/journal stuff, travel, books (inc. le bible) & nature… & FOOD!

how often will I post?

with exams coming up, every fortnight. as much as I would love to do more, I know I don’t have the time but freedom is coming mid June so if I’m still enjoying it the frequency may increase.

can’t think of any other questions, hopefully the first post will be out by April 14th!

photo cred: Paweł Czerwiński 

getting off the ‘gram

some time last year I wrote the post mirror, mirror about my rocky relationship with social media. thought it was time for an update

in January I deleted instagram completely on a whim, it was during church and came out of nowhere but in that moment I was just done. I was done with not feeling good enough and pretending I didn’t care that I wasn’t good enough while knowing I cared too much.

instagram is a world of its own, I went into it soon after it launched when life was much simpler. my first picture was actually of the trees behind my school and the only people I followed were Justin Bieber & my then best friend. the place I left was very different, one full of pressures coming from all directions (a whole post by itself).

this small act is what I needed to do to help myself. in the last few months I have found myself comparing so much less and relying more on my faith (which I’m aware not everyone has) to affirm who I am. I am not perfect, but I never needed to be, there’s a verse in the bible that reminds me of this every time I read it

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor – sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

bible NLT, Mark 2:17

disclaimer: struggling with comparison or any self worth issues doesn’t make you a sinner. what I love about this verse is that it’s literally saying that my faith is based on saving those who do not have it all together (me).

to make all this official I re-downloaded the app to say my goodbyes (since I had left abruptly) then deleted it again. these are the words I shared and they are so true to what I’m feeling.

apparently, a picture says a thousand words, but too often on insta those weren’t always the words I wanted to hear or say. my relationship with the app has changed the older I’ve got and that came with unexpected & unnecessary comparison. so I’m officially taking a break, I’ll be back when the times right.

K.C.

this isn’t a call for all people to delete instagram, plenty of people use the app well and enjoy it but I know that too many people stay even though its hurting them. if you’re one of those people it’s okay to take a break, even if its just for a day.

generally, things that make you doubt your worth don’t deserve your time. sometimes you realise that something/someone you thought was neutral or even good for you has moved into that category. when it’s a thing, feel no guilt about removing it from your life. people are obviously more complicated but unless its abusive I would always go for dialogue before distance.

a friend in the same position as me sent me this video, it expressed everything I’ve been feeling but struggling to express. watch and share, then remind yourself and your friends that they’re beautiful, whenever you can, and watch them bloom

photo cred: lalo Hernandez