I am currently at a crossroads, reevaluating what matters and how I’d like to live from here on out. And times of change are always when I’m most creative, that and my first year of uni is over so I’m no longer swamped by deadlines and work ♥
Watching a Middle Ground video on polyamory vs. monogamy got me thinking about the fundamentals of my relationship. Especially when the question at hand was along the lines of ‘Would I feel incomplete without my partner?‘. This is my unique way of answering this, which of course involved food.
To me we are all bowls of soup, every person has their own unique flavour and texture which stem from the ingredients that made them who they are. And whether we personally believe it or not, everyone is already whole. We may not be a universally liked soup flavour, hell, we may not like our own flavour but we are still unique and whole. (note, we are still a work in progress though)
Relationships, both romantic and platonic, are how we adjust our ingredients, flavour and texture. Certain key people give us different things, and unfortunately these things aren’t always good. The bonds we form influence what we take in from the world around us (our ingredients) and how these things are incorporated into our own lives (flavour + texture). Sometimes this is a choice, I have an aunt who has a love for travelling and spending time with her made me understand and share in that passion. However, these things can also be incorporated into our lives without our ‘consent’ so to speak, none of us would choose to have our hearts broken, lose our jobs or have a loved one die. Similarly, some events add a dash of seasoning while others change the fundamentals of our recipe.
I entered my relationship a whole soup, I’d like to think of myself as a chunky soup with sweet undertones. And so did my boyfriend, he’s a hearty soup, the type that goes perfectly with some bread and a winters day. The time we’ve spent together has changed us in ways that we may not be able to see right now but with hindsight will be clear as day. Maybe he’s made me sweeter, more loving and I’ve roughed his edges a bit so he’s less smooth, who knows. What’s essential to keep this going is the recognition that although we are now developing as a unit, we are still whole individuals. That difference in our ingredients will sometimes add fireworks to the journey, we’ll just have to try and enjoy the process, and the view, without getting burnt.
So wherever you are on your journey, other people aren’t meant to be your literal other-half. Think of them as instead seasoning, a vegetable, some juice or whatever else could go into your fearfully and wonderfully made soup ♥
Photo cred: Dan Michael Sinadjan